It happens every year, dadgummit?
Ya see deer swarmin' the place like flies on honey from can til cain't...and then a week before huntin' season opens the acorns fall.
No deer.
Ya look, ya wish, ya hope...but the deer got plenty of groceries back in the woods and have no use for civilized folks what want to collect their boodies for protein supplement.
Ya reckon that is why they call it "hunting" instead of "killing"?
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
The Splendor Of The Old
“The glory of young men is their strength, gray hair is the splendor of the old.” Proverbs 20:29
The ole ranch hand and his beautiful bride recently joined the local recreation center to increase fitness (and hopefully productive longevity?)
This gym has an indoor walking track that is near a large, "seniors" housing development. Accordingly, the gym population is well seasoned with us "seniors".
In the beginning of the fat boy's athletic endeavors on the walking track, it was evident that a tad of time/distance endurance training would be necessary.
Today, the aspiring Olympian decided to strut his stuff and "step out" on that track like a true pro....and the humbling/stumbling of pride began.
With the exception of one barely mobile octogenarian, your humble scribe "passed" no one on the track during 20 circuits. Worse yet, one jack rabbit "white hair" blew past FIVE times while a lesser fleet wrinkled granny left but a vacuum of dust four times (all the while stepping off exubertant laps????)!
What the hell, gitten older beats gitten dead so I can just go with the flow and keep pitchin' (or kick them roadrunners in the ankles ever chance I get?).
"Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.”
--Daniel Auber
The ole ranch hand and his beautiful bride recently joined the local recreation center to increase fitness (and hopefully productive longevity?)
This gym has an indoor walking track that is near a large, "seniors" housing development. Accordingly, the gym population is well seasoned with us "seniors".
In the beginning of the fat boy's athletic endeavors on the walking track, it was evident that a tad of time/distance endurance training would be necessary.
Today, the aspiring Olympian decided to strut his stuff and "step out" on that track like a true pro....and the humbling/stumbling of pride began.
With the exception of one barely mobile octogenarian, your humble scribe "passed" no one on the track during 20 circuits. Worse yet, one jack rabbit "white hair" blew past FIVE times while a lesser fleet wrinkled granny left but a vacuum of dust four times (all the while stepping off exubertant laps????)!
What the hell, gitten older beats gitten dead so I can just go with the flow and keep pitchin' (or kick them roadrunners in the ankles ever chance I get?).
"Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.”
--Daniel Auber
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
The Derrick Hand
"The Great Pyramid is the only one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World still standing. It is one of the oldest structures on the face of the earth and arguably the best built. Its mortar joints are consistently 1/50 of an inch, which is incredible craftsmanship, considering that of the over two million stones that make up the Pyramid, there is no stone weighing less than a ton, most weighing about two and a half, and some as much as 20 tons." (The Great Pyramid, The American Institute of Pyramidology)
The ole fat boy launched his latest construction missile this week by erecting the framework for the ranch outdoor kitchen: The Chuck Wagon!
Weather treated lumber done been bought, hardware acquired, (all at a dear price in this economy?) and country simple plans carefully laid.
Gonna shelter the premier "smoker", "griller", and "cook" under a reclaimed tin roof from now on.
Now let's see if an old former East Texas oil field derrick hand can climb that ladder (think rafters) enuff times to make it happen???
The ole fat boy launched his latest construction missile this week by erecting the framework for the ranch outdoor kitchen: The Chuck Wagon!
Weather treated lumber done been bought, hardware acquired, (all at a dear price in this economy?) and country simple plans carefully laid.
Gonna shelter the premier "smoker", "griller", and "cook" under a reclaimed tin roof from now on.
Now let's see if an old former East Texas oil field derrick hand can climb that ladder (think rafters) enuff times to make it happen???
Monday, September 26, 2011
Long Beards
"He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm" (Prov 13:20)
The ranch hand has been blessed for the last two days with six tom turkeys visiting the back pasture deer feeder.
It is a measure of cautious patience to watch them saunter from the adjacent brush. Their every move is enhanced to maximize grazing opportunities while keeping the ever watchful eye/ear for predators.
These magnificent gobblers are obviously in their prime. They are tall, heavy, and long of beard. These facts give witness to the reality that they have survived the onslaught of disease, coyotes, hawks, starvation, and other manner of eradication to live to magnificent maturity.
While it is unique and soul satisfying to see this spectacle of nature, it is at the same time a thought provoking perspective on the secret of a long life.
Appropriate caution in all things, vigilant alertness to opportunity, and never forgetting that that the world may kick your butt when you least expect it.
A lesson from the wise ones.
The ranch hand has been blessed for the last two days with six tom turkeys visiting the back pasture deer feeder.
It is a measure of cautious patience to watch them saunter from the adjacent brush. Their every move is enhanced to maximize grazing opportunities while keeping the ever watchful eye/ear for predators.
These magnificent gobblers are obviously in their prime. They are tall, heavy, and long of beard. These facts give witness to the reality that they have survived the onslaught of disease, coyotes, hawks, starvation, and other manner of eradication to live to magnificent maturity.
While it is unique and soul satisfying to see this spectacle of nature, it is at the same time a thought provoking perspective on the secret of a long life.
Appropriate caution in all things, vigilant alertness to opportunity, and never forgetting that that the world may kick your butt when you least expect it.
A lesson from the wise ones.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Manual Labor
The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. (Genesis 2:15)
The ranch hand reckons man was destined to "work" from the beginning of time?
Grandaddy Granvil worked every day of his life that he was able at various endeavors...Dad worked til he was just sitting on a stump to do what he could?
The ole fat boy been pounding the turf seven days a week since Moby Dick was a minnow and still can't seem to figger out the "relax" theme?
"Relaxin" must be an art that only special people can do??? (Ya listenin' Wayne?).
"Relax" people sleep til after the sun is up...s-l-o-w-l-y (do whatever), and the day evolves in a smooth mode of pleasure with no special exertion of physical (sweating/grunting/effort)...
No clue here as have not figgered that equation out yet?
Dang Dad...how come folks like us have to bust butt every day the sun shines doing "chores" instead of just "veggin"??
The ranch hand reckons man was destined to "work" from the beginning of time?
Grandaddy Granvil worked every day of his life that he was able at various endeavors...Dad worked til he was just sitting on a stump to do what he could?
The ole fat boy been pounding the turf seven days a week since Moby Dick was a minnow and still can't seem to figger out the "relax" theme?
"Relaxin" must be an art that only special people can do??? (Ya listenin' Wayne?).
"Relax" people sleep til after the sun is up...s-l-o-w-l-y (do whatever), and the day evolves in a smooth mode of pleasure with no special exertion of physical (sweating/grunting/effort)...
No clue here as have not figgered that equation out yet?
Dang Dad...how come folks like us have to bust butt every day the sun shines doing "chores" instead of just "veggin"??
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Calf Rope
Root canal is a colloquial term for a dental operation, wherein the pulp is cleaned out, the space disinfected and then filled.
The ole ranch hand climbed into the saddle of one them puppies this morn and damn near yelled "calf rope"?
The foreman of the torture chamber (sublimely name "dentist") proceeded to grind the entire top off of one of the (preciously few real teeth). That saunter in the park was adroitly followed by crammin', jammin', stabbin', jabbin' a round steel file into each of three root chambers (all the while twirlin' and jerking up and down the "tool".
Let us all pray that:
1. The "root canal" serves its intended purpose.
2. The ranch hand's butt unpuckers sometime during the next decade?
The ole ranch hand climbed into the saddle of one them puppies this morn and damn near yelled "calf rope"?
The foreman of the torture chamber (sublimely name "dentist") proceeded to grind the entire top off of one of the (preciously few real teeth). That saunter in the park was adroitly followed by crammin', jammin', stabbin', jabbin' a round steel file into each of three root chambers (all the while twirlin' and jerking up and down the "tool".
Let us all pray that:
1. The "root canal" serves its intended purpose.
2. The ranch hand's butt unpuckers sometime during the next decade?
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Cremation And Other Warm Thoughts
Cremation is the process of reducing dead bodies to basic chemical compounds in the form of gases and bone fragments. This is accomplished through burning,high temperatures,vaporization and oxidation.
The process of becoming "Ole Folks" is a progression of thought concerning the prospect of limited life.....Another words...Ya ain't gonna live forever.
It ain't a pretty thought, it aint necessarily eagerly anticipated, but it is a fact.
Regardless, the ranch hand fetched the mail at the box by the road this noon day and found an offering from the "Neptune Society" for "memorialized cremation"?????
The "ad" within extolled the virtues of "minimal impact on the environment", "dignified resting places", and "less expense"????
Is it just the cringing of an ole fat man or is it a trifle urbane to send social security eligible folks a note to say, "Sometimes death happens"...
Well NO SHIT SPORTS FANS....like the ranch hand is going to care what happens thereafter???
The process of becoming "Ole Folks" is a progression of thought concerning the prospect of limited life.....Another words...Ya ain't gonna live forever.
It ain't a pretty thought, it aint necessarily eagerly anticipated, but it is a fact.
Regardless, the ranch hand fetched the mail at the box by the road this noon day and found an offering from the "Neptune Society" for "memorialized cremation"?????
The "ad" within extolled the virtues of "minimal impact on the environment", "dignified resting places", and "less expense"????
Is it just the cringing of an ole fat man or is it a trifle urbane to send social security eligible folks a note to say, "Sometimes death happens"...
Well NO SHIT SPORTS FANS....like the ranch hand is going to care what happens thereafter???
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Water
In the Book of Genesis, we read that creation began when the Spirit of God moved over the face of the waters. (Gen. 1:2)
The ranch hand choose this opening day of Texas dove season to check out the movement of migratory winged creatures over the face of the resident pond.
The highlight of the day included a visit by a large screech owl who solemnly landed on a limb to study the would be hunter at length? Shortly thereafter a doe and small fawn tiptoed to the water's edge to thirstily imbibe of liquid sustenance.
And almost as an after thought, the ole fat boy managed to bag a few dove for the skillet.
Life is good.
The ranch hand choose this opening day of Texas dove season to check out the movement of migratory winged creatures over the face of the resident pond.
The highlight of the day included a visit by a large screech owl who solemnly landed on a limb to study the would be hunter at length? Shortly thereafter a doe and small fawn tiptoed to the water's edge to thirstily imbibe of liquid sustenance.
And almost as an after thought, the ole fat boy managed to bag a few dove for the skillet.
Life is good.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
The Season of Life
To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven....Ecclesiastes 3-1
Today marks the end of the the humble ranch hand's professional race....41 years as a peace keeper is enough by any man's standard....ya tote the badge and pistol long enuff....ya do what you need to do to take care of folks in need.... an finally comes a time when the "season" is done.
Pulling off the badge is simply closing one door and opening another...the coming of a new season....life is good and God is great in all things.
I pray O' Lord for calm, confidence, and competence at living life to its fullest as my dotage encroaches...
You are my Savior and my Light in all things...
Today marks the end of the the humble ranch hand's professional race....41 years as a peace keeper is enough by any man's standard....ya tote the badge and pistol long enuff....ya do what you need to do to take care of folks in need.... an finally comes a time when the "season" is done.
Pulling off the badge is simply closing one door and opening another...the coming of a new season....life is good and God is great in all things.
I pray O' Lord for calm, confidence, and competence at living life to its fullest as my dotage encroaches...
You are my Savior and my Light in all things...
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Vacation Fun
The ranch hand and his beautiful bride recently inaugurated international travel across the "pond".
It didn't figger to be no step for a tall dawg...just book the flights and hotels, join a tour group, and see the sights of Espana.
Jumped out of the rack friday last, took a leisurely hour's drive to the airport...eased thru airport security (four times due to continuously setting off the metal detector)while eagerly anticipating the coming adventure.
No problem to Dallas/Ft Worth (except forgot a pair of $525 prescription sunglasses at the Austin security station after finally getting clearance to enter???)
The connecting flight to Madrid was 1 1/2 hours late coming in....no problem as had a couple of hours layover in Madrid to catch the next leg.
Ten l-o-n-g hours to Madrid followed by more sitting on the tarmac near the terminal (the locals acted surprised to see a plane and didn't know what to do with it??). The pilot guy finally announced the Spaniards had decided they would bring stairs to the plane and load us on a bus. More sitting on the tarmac.....finally the jet jockey announced they had decided to tow the plane up to a jetway for off-loading....all well and good....but the clock was ticking on the next flight.
Eventually got in the Madrid airport and ask the first airline employee encountered concerning how to get to the next flight gate. NO ENGLISH SPOKEN HERE.
Stirred around a bit until ended up in Spanish Customs...stood in a long line, got asked some questions in Spanish that was not understood and was turned loose to ?????
Outside customs the ole fat boy ran slap dab into a subway system to take us to ?????...finally just got on the first door that opened and exited the next time it stopped (finely tuned woodsman training no doubt?)...went thru a maze of stairways/hallways and found a board announcing the gate location of flights....RAN like gazelles (a chubby guy in his dotage) to the distant gate only to see the plane being pushed back for it's flight.
Immediately asked the non-English speaking airline employee how to book the next flight and was pointed to the opposite end of the terminal for (execution, help, the trip home???). Started walking and found a long line at a counter that appeared to be "customer service". Stood in said line for one hour while the "customer service" reps and the "customers" YELLED at each other in spanish like a mass murder was about to occur.
Finally got up to the counter (after an hour of sincere prayer for a miracle) and found an airline employer who spoke just enough English to tell us we were screwed. The next two flights were booked full. Begged, pleaded, did that sad puppy dawg eyes crap and the agent agreed to put us on stand-by for the flight that was scheduled to leave TWELVE HOURS LATER...bottom line....God heard our prayers and we got on that plane to Sevilla (after some idjit stole our carry-on bag with our prescription meds, digital camera, and other "stuff").
Arrived in Sevilla on Sunday morning, 38 hours after getting up Friday morning. No sleep, little food (the rotten/sticky "ham" sandwich in airport smelled like a skunk....and there is not one American beer in all of Spain?). Was totally conflicted between being pissed off and being glad to be alive at our chosen destination.
Then came the most terrifying taxi ride in the history of modern man (with the bride hollering, "Muy poco, muy poco"...that don't mean "slow down" but her voice inflection was pretty plain...Yet the cab driver did not "poco down")
Three days in Sevilla was awesome...incredible architecture, beautiful culture, interesting foods, flamenco dancing, NO ENGLISH SPOKEN.
Sprang from the bed Wednesday morn and took another thrilling taxi ride to the bus station for our journey to Toledo and points in between. Loaded up two buses for the tour (and one bus crapped out in the driveway). Now imagine loading two bus fulls of luggage and people into one bus for an all day ride?
Traveled to a mountain top castle built in the 1400's by the Knights Templar and then on to Toledo.
Had an interesting day meandering thru the maze of narrow cobble stone lined streets (with the careening cars always up close and personal) viewing the magnificent scenery, bountiful shops, and experiencing the culture first-hand)(Oh yeah, got asked to leave the Greco art museum...as best can tell, us redneck rubes were unwittingly taking the tour bass-ackwards and screwing up the pedestrian flow?)
Traveled to Madrid and found the hotel room A/C was "muy poco" as well...bar-b-qued the first night, but managed to "habla" enough to get it fixed for the rest of the stay? Walked thru the Prado Museum and saw enough oil paint smeared on canvas to paint Grandaddy's barn 40 times over? Saw more castles, cathedrals, and statues than a soul can imagine...and chowed down on some truly unusual grub?
Last day in Europe started with a 70 Euro ($105) cab ride to the airport. Made a short hop to London Heathrow airport where yours truly was "profiled" by security and had a long interview with a local gendarme about my terrorist tendencies (as a cop for four decades???). Then followed another ten hour flight to Dallas with a short hop to Austin.
Got back to the ranch (after a 24 hour journey) to find that the battery on the ranch gate opener had died and the gate would not open?????
Ain't "vacations" fun?
It didn't figger to be no step for a tall dawg...just book the flights and hotels, join a tour group, and see the sights of Espana.
Jumped out of the rack friday last, took a leisurely hour's drive to the airport...eased thru airport security (four times due to continuously setting off the metal detector)while eagerly anticipating the coming adventure.
No problem to Dallas/Ft Worth (except forgot a pair of $525 prescription sunglasses at the Austin security station after finally getting clearance to enter???)
The connecting flight to Madrid was 1 1/2 hours late coming in....no problem as had a couple of hours layover in Madrid to catch the next leg.
Ten l-o-n-g hours to Madrid followed by more sitting on the tarmac near the terminal (the locals acted surprised to see a plane and didn't know what to do with it??). The pilot guy finally announced the Spaniards had decided they would bring stairs to the plane and load us on a bus. More sitting on the tarmac.....finally the jet jockey announced they had decided to tow the plane up to a jetway for off-loading....all well and good....but the clock was ticking on the next flight.
Eventually got in the Madrid airport and ask the first airline employee encountered concerning how to get to the next flight gate. NO ENGLISH SPOKEN HERE.
Stirred around a bit until ended up in Spanish Customs...stood in a long line, got asked some questions in Spanish that was not understood and was turned loose to ?????
Outside customs the ole fat boy ran slap dab into a subway system to take us to ?????...finally just got on the first door that opened and exited the next time it stopped (finely tuned woodsman training no doubt?)...went thru a maze of stairways/hallways and found a board announcing the gate location of flights....RAN like gazelles (a chubby guy in his dotage) to the distant gate only to see the plane being pushed back for it's flight.
Immediately asked the non-English speaking airline employee how to book the next flight and was pointed to the opposite end of the terminal for (execution, help, the trip home???). Started walking and found a long line at a counter that appeared to be "customer service". Stood in said line for one hour while the "customer service" reps and the "customers" YELLED at each other in spanish like a mass murder was about to occur.
Finally got up to the counter (after an hour of sincere prayer for a miracle) and found an airline employer who spoke just enough English to tell us we were screwed. The next two flights were booked full. Begged, pleaded, did that sad puppy dawg eyes crap and the agent agreed to put us on stand-by for the flight that was scheduled to leave TWELVE HOURS LATER...bottom line....God heard our prayers and we got on that plane to Sevilla (after some idjit stole our carry-on bag with our prescription meds, digital camera, and other "stuff").
Arrived in Sevilla on Sunday morning, 38 hours after getting up Friday morning. No sleep, little food (the rotten/sticky "ham" sandwich in airport smelled like a skunk....and there is not one American beer in all of Spain?). Was totally conflicted between being pissed off and being glad to be alive at our chosen destination.
Then came the most terrifying taxi ride in the history of modern man (with the bride hollering, "Muy poco, muy poco"...that don't mean "slow down" but her voice inflection was pretty plain...Yet the cab driver did not "poco down")
Three days in Sevilla was awesome...incredible architecture, beautiful culture, interesting foods, flamenco dancing, NO ENGLISH SPOKEN.
Sprang from the bed Wednesday morn and took another thrilling taxi ride to the bus station for our journey to Toledo and points in between. Loaded up two buses for the tour (and one bus crapped out in the driveway). Now imagine loading two bus fulls of luggage and people into one bus for an all day ride?
Traveled to a mountain top castle built in the 1400's by the Knights Templar and then on to Toledo.
Had an interesting day meandering thru the maze of narrow cobble stone lined streets (with the careening cars always up close and personal) viewing the magnificent scenery, bountiful shops, and experiencing the culture first-hand)(Oh yeah, got asked to leave the Greco art museum...as best can tell, us redneck rubes were unwittingly taking the tour bass-ackwards and screwing up the pedestrian flow?)
Traveled to Madrid and found the hotel room A/C was "muy poco" as well...bar-b-qued the first night, but managed to "habla" enough to get it fixed for the rest of the stay? Walked thru the Prado Museum and saw enough oil paint smeared on canvas to paint Grandaddy's barn 40 times over? Saw more castles, cathedrals, and statues than a soul can imagine...and chowed down on some truly unusual grub?
Last day in Europe started with a 70 Euro ($105) cab ride to the airport. Made a short hop to London Heathrow airport where yours truly was "profiled" by security and had a long interview with a local gendarme about my terrorist tendencies (as a cop for four decades???). Then followed another ten hour flight to Dallas with a short hop to Austin.
Got back to the ranch (after a 24 hour journey) to find that the battery on the ranch gate opener had died and the gate would not open?????
Ain't "vacations" fun?
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