MEAN MUTHAS

The ranch hand built a genuine rustic outdoor kitchen/chuck wagon last year and has spent many the hour savoring the pleaures of smokin' meat, grillin', and boiling up shrimp and such.

This Sunday last the ole fat boy decided to put on a bodacious cajun style pot of shrimp, taters, sausage, and cob corn to feed the beautiful bride's in-laws, out-laws, and such.

Course....settin' up the rig required a douse of H2O from the ranch well. Amblin' that direction, the self-styled chef/cookie/chuck wagon boss extraordinaire was purty cocky bout the coming feast.

Mother Nature had other "ideas"?????

The first red wasp POPPED the neck nape (no doubt mesmerized by the gorge-i-mus silver...OK, thinning hair there) causing the neophyte assistant chef to near slap his-self goofy swangin' at them varmits.

This extrememe indigity to your humble almost-boiler's mate was immediately follered by a ZAP immediately under the right nose hole causing unmitigated pain, rage, and (staggerin', blind...uh, the soon-to-be dishwasher's spectacles was long since "slapped" into outer space...and mass confusion soon prevailed!!!).

The bride's brother (watching with astonished amazement???) later said, "I thought the sum-bitch wuz havin' a stroke, a conniption fit, or at least hydrophobia????).

No worries....being a manly man...impervious to pain...a true WARRIOR...the dishwasher trainee soon succumbed to anaphylactic shock and started systematically shutting down all the unnecessary systems (like breathing). Again, no worries....the bride ripped open a store bought vial of magic elixar...poured that puppy down the blubberin' idiots guzzle....and soon, "they lived happily ever after"....Uh, except for the next part:

Now the bumbling child seized upon revenge/retribution as the true course of action. There weren't nuthin to do but "gas" them puppies in their lair and forever establish the "boss" of the ranch......except somebody forgot to tell the damn wasps and they immediately EXCRUCIATED the left little pinky of the absolute coward causing said digit to swell to absolute uselessness.

Wave the white flags, cede all previously conquered territory, and bust the ceremonial sword for truly....

Mother Nature can be a "Mean Mutha"