GRANDADDY'S COWS

Grandaddy always had a few cows on his small acreage. I never learned squat about cows, as we were too poor to own one, but I do have a few memories of Slim Waller's herd.


The Auction

When I was 7-8 years old, Grandaddy took me to the Henderson sale barn where he was going to sell/buy cows. I'd never been to a live auction before and remember being mesmerized by all the people, action, and the auctioneer's challenge chant to the bidders.

Grandaddy solemnly warned me prior to, and during the auction, to sit perfectly still and not say anything. He assured me any sound or movement on my my part would signal the auctioneer that I was bidding and I would end up owing a cow as a result.

Yeah, I sat there afraid to scratch my nose for fear those men would expect me to pay up after I had indicated intention to buy some mangy heifer?

I wonder tho, do ya'll think Grandaddy might have had some other agenda for warning me about inadvertently bidding?


Bull Loading

I happened to be at Grandaddy's after he sold his bull to another man. Grandaddy asked my help in getting the beast in his stock trailer so he could take it to the new owner.

The bull was a huge magnificent creature. He also matched, if not exceeded, Grandaddy in "bull headedness". No matter how we coaxed, prodded, or worked, the leviathan would not enter the narrow trailer. Grandaddy's frustration could be measured by the steady increasing volume of his commands to the bull and the intensity of his "pokes" on the recalcitrant with a 4 foot length of 1/2 inch iron oil well rod he held in his hand.

Finally, the animal started into the trailer. It put its front two feet in and started to bring its back feet in. Grandaddy picked that instant to step up and push on its substantial backside to encourage it to go all the way in. For whatever reason, the bull moved backward and its rear hoof plumb mashed Grandaddy's foot.

(Now if you have ever seen a little dab of Grandaddy's TEMPER, you might know what happened next.)

Brother Waller went totally ballistic. His eyes flashed, his face turned red, his hair stood on end, steam started coming out of his ears, and demented raging profanity starting spewing from curled lips. (I swear a set of horns sprouted?)

As Mt Vesuvius erupted, he commenced to poundin' on that bovine with the iron rod till hell wouldn't have it. He whupped that puppy till they were both staggering around the pasture. (while my eyes got big as cantaloupes and I concentrated on not wetting my pants!)

Both me and the bull survived that round, but the new owner had to wonder why his stately, macho breeding stock ran to the other end of the pasture and jumped the fence every time he approached with anything resembling an iron rod in his hand?


Horns

Dad and I were driving from Wright City to Turnertown on Highway 64 one day when we noticed Grandaddy on the side of the road standing by his vehicle and trailer.

The trailer was cattywampus on the grass and Grandaddy had a look on his face like he wasn't sure who he was or what he was doing.

Seems he loaded a few cows in his stock trailer that morning to take to auction in Henderson. In attaching the trailer to his pickup, he apparently failed to latch the hitch. He started down the highway and at about 45 MPH, the trailer had come unhitched. It rolled a time or two, and stopped upright on the side of the road with the cows still in it (the trailer had a iron rod top to it).

The animals were all wide eyed, mooing, and had bumps/bruise/scrapes from one end to the other. Who knows what internal injuries they may have had?

We helped to rehitch the trailer properly and Grandaddy said all he could do was go on to the sale and hope to unload them at hamburger prices.

Later, Grandaddy stopped by Dad's house with a grin from ear to ear. He said that as he pulled into the sale barn yard, a man immediately walked up and started talking about how cows with horns always tore each other up when transported in a trailer. After he "poor mouthed" horned critters a bit, he offered a price that matched what Grandaddy had hoped to get at the auction. They loaded the stock in the dude's trailer and the deal was done.

Grandaddy was adamant, "I didn't lie to the man, I just let him talk and then let him have what he asked for."