Hamburger Heaven

The August 2009 issue of Texas Monthly Magazine included an article created by multiple contributors entitled, "The 50 Greatest Hamburgers in Texas" (volume 37, issue 8).

What could be more iconic than a GIANT juicy burger that oozes grease along the palms, down the arms and drips from the elbows? Onions that fill your senses, a bit of pickle for a zing, and lettuce for crunch....just the thought makes my tongue beat my tonsils unmercifully! As a food indigenous to Texans everywhere, it's only fittin' a tribute should grease (er...grace) this blog page (with a bale of napkins on the side to assuage the overflow of salivary response)?

The ranch hand previously blogged about his first ever "cafe" meal. In our family, ya got to teenage afore even dreamin' of eating outside kinfolks tables. A Wright City boy's first "store bought" meal was an occasion.

Danny's grandmother worked at the White Swan beer joint/cafe in Kilgore and we went to visit. While we was dawdlin', D's Grandma slapped a burger on the grill. I have only a vague memory of an ever hungry growing boy slatherin' that puppy down. More'n likely, it hit the peak of my burgerdom at the time (12-13 year old). OK, I don't really remember how it tastes, but I do recall the onion still had the brown skin on it (haven't seen that trick since?).

I reckon that first "bait" started a life long quest to find "great" hamburgers.

Since settin' down roots at Gabriel Mills, the ranch hand/bride regularly trek the four mile route to the Andice Store for the 1/2 pound extraordinaire (the size of a hubcap and "squirts" grease ever direction when ya chomp). This Andician delight is a thing of beauty embodying freshness, a taste explosion, and decadence that only evolves with knowledge your arteries clog with the mere thought of ingesting this carnivore feast.

Numero #2 on the Texas Monthly list is the Counter Cafe (Austin). The ambiance includes a narrow hallway for dining and two chairs per (tiny) table lined up adjacent to the bar stools. The "feature" is a flawless bit of superb quality "cow" flirting with the sweetest bun ever tasted by this semi-edumacated male. Chunk in bermuda onion, obviously gardened ripened tomato, enough mustard to permanently color fingernails, and ya got a pretty decent eat that made a nice lunch hour last week.

Florence, Texas is the "rural" capital of Tin Star country and includes the ancient Rattlesnake Bar/Cafe. Locals talk bout Saturday night ventures there 40 - 50 years ago. Think hardwood floor, bar older than Methuselah, barmaids (with most teeth intact), and enough dust in the parking lot to choke a bedouin.

Today the owner averred in the most sincere tones that "they" was famous for their burger. We bit. "They" was wrong. Dry, burnt, and tasteless ain't in the dictionary under "famous"? (Guess ya gotta kiss a few pigs on the road to burger love?)

However, Friday the ranch hand/bride traveled the distant hill county to Fredericksburg. Alamo Springs Cafe is 10 miles south of F-burg on the Old San Antonio Road. The trip alone is worth the time while passing vineyards, flowing creeks (during a time of drought no less), and all manner of ancient farm structures.

Turn left on Alamo Springs Road and immediately exit into the white powder dust of the cafe parking lot. The decrepit cafe is a throwback to the depression era of the 30's, but the burger justified its hype as "ample, rich, and downright carnal " (Number Three on the Tx Monthly list). After a half dozen napkins (JUICY), and much lip smackin', me and the child bride melted into dreamy eyed reverence while savoring the last of the sweetest fried onion rings ever ingested by country folk.

Truth is..... I can't wait til tomorrow cause an even better burger may be just one country culinary adventure away?????