MODESTY

Can anyone imagine a texture, taste, concept, visual, or aroma more pleasurable than cornbread?

It is at once sustenance, soul satisfying salivary joy, and proof of life.

Did I mention that I make it better than anyone on planet earth????

Yeah I know, there are pretenders to the "throne". There are fools who include (ugh) sugar in the recipe. There are sycophants who think it is not complete without the receding flow of melting butter (gotta hide the taste o' your corn pone?)(I seen one miscreant soul put grape jelly on it???).

I AIN'T GONNA TELL YA'LL NO SECRETS. END OF STORY. DONE DEAL (but, I may share a hint or two of preparing the finest confection one might imagine)

1. Take out yo' mama's 50 year old black iron skillet (lovingly seasoned since Moby Dick was a minner). (here is some the hint part: wash that sucka, but never, NEVER dry it with a rag. Put it on the fire and heat it to evaporate the moisture and while still HOT, lovingly slather some vegetable oil, bacon grease, or WD40 in the pores). Aint got no FIFTY YEAR OLD SKILLET? (quit reading and go sit in the corner and bawl your regretful eyes out I guess?)

2. One cup of SIFTED flour, one cup of corn meal, one (how much easier could "one" of ever thing be???) egg, a pinch of baking soda, a pinch of salt (NO DAMMIT, DON'T PUT SUGAR IN IT OR YUR ARM WILL FALL OFF AND THE CORN BREAD WILL STINK!) and enuff BUTTERMILK, BUTTERMILK, BUTTERMILK (put any other kind of milk in it and I will make yur arm fall off!@) to make the mix perfect.

3. Put yur oven on 450 degrees fair-n-height (real hot or whatever you want, just watch the stuff)

4. Cook near bout 15 minutes, it could be 25 minutes (WATCH the potion because variables make time relevant to the importance of the occasion)(if you is trying to impress someone with your "pone", the spirits will conspire to "mess it up")

5. Five is most important: JUST SURRENDER BECAUSE YOU CAN NEVER BEAT THE ranch hand AT CORN BREAD SO JUS' QUIT YUR TRYIN". I AM THE CHAMPEEN AND ALWAYS WILL BE!

(should have told ya'll I am eternally modest)